Murdersofa II: Coupe with a Vengeance

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa)
03/16/2016 at 19:04 • Filed to: None

Bought a car because fuck it of course I bought a car. Get hyped.

Alternate title: You Can’t Break What’s Already Broke

$650 got me a running driving 1997 Buick Riviera.

Pros:

DAT INTERIOR THO

3800 Series II = POTENTIAL.

Two doors

Gran Touring coupe FTW

Boaty floatness awesomeness

World’s lightest steering

World’s coldest A/C

Last two-door Buick

Hardly see them around town (yay unique~)

Cheap

Reliable

Nice stock sound system

Automatic climate controls (set temperature and let the wizardry do its magic)

Clean title

That trim piece around the radio is real wood because luxury

No codes

Cons:

The paint

Surface rust

Driver’s seatback adjust motor jammed

Steering wheel loose

Needs alignment

Needs tires

Transmission slips slightly in 3rd

A/C compressor wheel wobbles and makes the belt chirp

World’s most warped brake rotors

Front shocks are blown because of course

Retractable antenna I give no shits about doesn’t work

Hideous wheels

Seat belt has been “modified” for fat people, need to re-stitch breakaway safety loop

Dry-rotted-to-hell tires are getting replaced tomorrow. Gonna take out the driver’s seat and see if I can do anything about that adjustment motor, and try stitching the seatbelt back tonight. If I have enough time (lol doubt it) I might take a look at the steering wheel hub nut that appears to have backed off.

DISCUSSION (85)

CB > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:05

Whelp, there’s no way this can backfire. No siree. I wish you the best of luck.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > CB
03/16/2016 at 19:09

I don’t need luck. I have... PARTS CARS

Captain of the Enterprise > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:09

I thought the Murdersofa was gone?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Captain of the Enterprise
03/16/2016 at 19:10

Nah, just broken. I’ll probably steal some parts off of it.

Captain of the Enterprise > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:11

Will it's wheels fit on the riviera?

CB > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:11

About to be four parts cars, apparently. This is David Tracy levels of bad decisions (no offence, David, love your stuff!).

MLGCarGuy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:12

Can we call it the Superwhale?

Captain of the Enterprise > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:17

What is the huge tank on the right by the driver shock tower?

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:17

I’ll give you 20 bucks if you slam it and go hellaflush with it.

Steve in Manhattan > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:20

It is a car - I will give you that.

mazda616 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:23

Love these things!

Amoore100 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:25

Probably runs better than your Mustang. (Joking, of course.) Still, congrats! I always loved these Rivs and for $650 it’s hard to turn down any running car, let alone something of this caliber.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:31

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
03/16/2016 at 19:33

Accurate.

TheHondaBro > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins)
03/16/2016 at 19:34

This time, it’s personal.

jkm7680 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:35

No supercharger, boooo.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Amoore100
03/16/2016 at 19:35

The Mustang doesn’t run, so this is accurate. I’m excited for the potential this car has. It’s a bit of a piece but it has straight body panels and a decent interior.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Captain of the Enterprise
03/16/2016 at 19:35

The world’s most remote coolant tank

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Captain of the Enterprise
03/16/2016 at 19:36

Yyyyuuuuuup

-this space for rent- > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:40

That’s the barest garage I’ve seen in quite some time.

Jarrett - [BRZ Boi] > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:41

You had me until transmission slip.

Slant6 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:42

Why not HomicideCouch?

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > TheHondaBro
03/16/2016 at 19:46

Don’t worry you’ll get your own action packed movie too. Its either Quantum of Hondabro or Lethal Hondabro 5.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:46

As long as you don’t need it for transportation, it’s probably like 1.5-2k from cherry if you didn’t do all the work yourself. If I had the time and a place, I’d be a bit jealous. 3800s are awesome.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jarrett - [BRZ Boi]
03/16/2016 at 19:47

I have spares.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > -this space for rent-
03/16/2016 at 19:47

That’s my office.

Biggus Dickus (RevsBro) > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:49

So wait, explain this to me. You couldn’t afford the repairs on your mustang so you decided to purchase another old and likely unreliable car?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:50

“Last 2-door Buick”:

Kinja'd!!!

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:51

It's a coupe, so Loveseat Of Death is more apt.

leicester > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:53

Time for more plasti-dip....

wafflesnfalafel > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 19:56

you could go for that patina rat rod look

DasWauto > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:07

So you’ve got several cars in various states of disrepair and have ‘solved’ this by buying another in yet further disrepair with the only benefit being that it moves under its on power.

I have one car that works and second that needs work, my project car. If I went and bought another before fixing the one I have someone would smack me upside the head, and rightly so. Someone should have done that to you about three cars ago.

Amoore100 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:19

Again? Hope you can get it up soon, it sucks to have a downed daily. This thing definitely has potential, and it is way more than what $650 gets you around here. What a wreck. But wait, is this a running Saab in the Bay Area for $650!? There must be a serious catch because the thing doesn’t look half bad (for a $650 car). I guess it shows that gems do exist out there in the sub-$1000 market.

Kinja'd!!!

-this space for rent- > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:24

How you gonna fix cars in an office?!

shop-teacher > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:25

“Reliable”

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

*deep nreaths*

Hahahahhahaha!!!!!!!

You really are a glutton for punishment. Congratulations?

Jcarr > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:27

I really hesitate to tell someone how to live their life, but it seems like you’d be better off not continuing to throw good money after bad with car after car.

If you truly enjoy the challenges and frustrations of this method then, great, more power to you. It just seems like you’re often in a jam with one vehicle or another and that could be alleviated by sticking to one or two cars in decent shape.

Just my two cents. At the end of the day, live your life the way that makes you the most happy.

crowmolly > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:33

Murdersofa II- Parts Car Boogaloo

Captain of the Enterprise > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:53

Wow

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 20:58

Is this going to be Murdersofa VII? And are we going to have a series of races to figure out which is the Alphasofa?

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 21:05

Nice buy. My grandpa bought one of these new and kept it pristine until the day he died. Always had a soft spot for them thanks to him. Surprisingly nice cars.

JeepJeremy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 21:14

Oh man! I saw a dark blue one on my walk tonight and thought “would own”. Such a cool car!

You made an awesome purchase!

S65 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 21:27

For $650 That’s Pretty Nice. That Car Has Potential.

ranwhenparked > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 21:31

A rattlecan of white Rustoleum would do wonders for the looks.

Chasaboo > Jarrett - [BRZ Boi]
03/16/2016 at 23:05

Agreed, I’ve been in the GM hell called bad transmission, it ain’t pretty.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > ranwhenparked
03/16/2016 at 23:36

That is certainly an idea

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > JeepJeremy
03/16/2016 at 23:37

It pulls surprisingly strong, and I feel liek the transmission issues were exaggerated.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > AMGtech - now with more recalls!
03/16/2016 at 23:37

I prefer the ride to the ‘08 DTS I was driving, oddly

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
03/16/2016 at 23:37

Spec-sofa racing series.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 23:38

I would love to watch/participate in this series. It would come down to who could manage to control the body roll the most.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jcarr
03/16/2016 at 23:38

I mean, my situation now is I have two cars neither of which will be running any time soon, and a job that’s 20 miles away from where I live. Using my tax return to buy a $650 beater from someone I know who has been using it to commute to work for several years is not the dumbest idea I’ve had.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > shop-teacher
03/16/2016 at 23:39

Eh, it’s a 3800. If it breaks you hit it with a hammer and replace the intake manifold gaskets.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > -this space for rent-
03/16/2016 at 23:39

Staplers.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Amoore100
03/16/2016 at 23:39

That is impressive.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > DasWauto
03/16/2016 at 23:40

The Miata and Mustang both broke about the same time. Well, the Miata went under the knife because project car, and then the Mustang shat itself four times in a row and counting. The Mustang has been in the shop more than out of it the past two weeks and the last breakdown is going to cost probably a significant portion of what this Buick cost me, as well as taking a while. I mean, my situation now is I have two cars neither of which will be running any time soon, and a job that’s 20 miles away from where I live. Using my tax return to buy a $650 beater from someone I know who has been using it to commute to work for several years is not the dumbest idea I’ve had.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
03/16/2016 at 23:41

I forgot about that thing. Probably because there’s nothing memorable about it whatsoever.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
03/16/2016 at 23:41

Also that’s an Opel.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Biggus Dickus (RevsBro)
03/16/2016 at 23:42

I have been driving a car borrowed from work, but due to the amount of miles I was putting on it due to the length of my commute they wanted it back. The Miata is three weeks from completion, at least, and the Mustang is a solid week or two from being looked at due to how busy the dealership is. That leaves me with no commuter for two weeks. $650 car, most of which was paid for by my tax return I just got, and it’s a car I’ve been wanting for years. Hells yes I bought it.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
03/16/2016 at 23:43

They would all break down. All of them. Then it’s “who lightened their car enough to push it faster than everyone else”

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 23:44

But it’s a spec series. No weight should be allowed to be removed.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
03/16/2016 at 23:44

Pfft. They remove their own weight by falling apart.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 23:46

Tape. Duct tape should hold a crucial role in this series.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
03/16/2016 at 23:46

Duct tape comes in crucial rolls.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 23:47

These were all FWD right?

Tohru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/16/2016 at 23:51

Seems like a decent car. Shame about what will happen to it.

shop-teacher > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 00:02

Yeah, the 3800 is fantastic. It’s the rest of the car ...

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Tohru
03/17/2016 at 00:08

My rule is no plastidip. Never again.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
03/17/2016 at 00:08

Yuuup. Because when you’re putting a sofa on wheels which ones are driven doesn’t really matter.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 00:28

It’s the perfect replacement for those itching for another Sebring.

Your boy, BJR > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 01:40

Can I enter the caddy in spec-sofa? Or is it Buick only?

Your boy, BJR > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies
03/17/2016 at 01:42

Kinja'd!!!

But with weird trunk lights!

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Your boy, BJR
03/17/2016 at 01:55

It ate a Camry!

JKER > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 07:20

Well I gotta give it to you. In spite of making bad car decisions/having awful luck lately, you manage to keep a cool head replying to everyone here who wants to point out your mistakes. So at least you can keep your spirits up!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > JKER
03/17/2016 at 07:24

Every car purchase I made is probably a bad idea so I’ve learned to just roll with it. Everything’s worked out pretty well so far, and with the car market the way it is there’s a decent chance of me breaking even or even making a profit on the Mustang still. My last dirt-cheap car had a bad engine, bad trans, totally shot suspension, no lights, no exhaust, etc. for $500 and it ended up being the best car I ever had (the Civic). Hopefully I can pull a similar trick with a whale on wheels.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Your boy, BJR
03/17/2016 at 07:25

all FWD boats welcome. Bring on the Auroras.

JKER > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 07:35

I liked the miata! The mustang wasn’t the worst purchase ever, but the trick is to not put unnecessary money into cars unless it’s paid off or you have a good emergency fund already set aside.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 08:02

Put just skid plates on the back.

FastIndy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 08:04

Looks like a nice daily.

Now get an L67 in there, STAT!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > FastIndy
03/17/2016 at 08:39

That’s pretty much the idea. Nice daily. L67s are pretty pricey around here though.

Tohru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/17/2016 at 17:27

So it’s not going to be lime-green with those awful black wheels and janky homemade suspension modifications?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Tohru
03/17/2016 at 19:52

Hot pink with spinnaz and underglow neons yo

Tohru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/18/2016 at 13:00

six-figure champagne with swangas and holes cut in the back seats to mount subwoofers

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Tohru
03/18/2016 at 14:38

Rear seat delete for a wall of subwoofers. Lowered on eBay coils with swangas. Reupholster the leather seats with purple shag. eBay racing wheel and add a shift boot to the automatic so it looks like a manual. How’s your blood pressure, Tohru?

Tohru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/18/2016 at 17:50

6.5" speakers installed into the front headrests. Lifted through a combination of air shocks, spring spacers, and backyard welding; with BFG All-Terrain KO2 tires. Homemade targa roof. Cheap Chinese Android tablet installed in the steering wheel and connected to a cheap Chinese OBD-2 Bluetooth adapter for gauges. All 4 doors removed, with 1980 F150 mirrors screwed to the fenders. Bumpers replaced with oak 4"x6"s. LED light bars installed in the grille, on the roof, and the back edge of the hood.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Tohru
03/18/2016 at 18:06

Nah, the BFG tires are too practical. Gotta have donks, yo. Also I think you miscounted how many doors ;)

Also oak bumpers = wood = luxury. Practically a Bentley.

Tohru > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
03/18/2016 at 21:59

Both doors off the Riv and both doors off the Miata.